Many of us suffer from low self-esteem. It affects the way we speak, the way we act and the things we believe about ourselves. But what exactly causes these confidence and self-esteem issues? What is the root cause that infects our minds and makes us believe we are less than we were meant to be at birth? In this post, I’m getting a bit more personal and talking about a topic that not many people want to talk about. I’m talking about self-worth and telling you a big reason I had little to no self-esteem and why you suffer from low self-esteem too.
“You are beautiful. You are worthy. You are important. You are special. You are unique. You are wonderful. You are talented. And you are irreplaceable. Remember that.”
Here’s A Big Reason You Suffer From Low Self-Esteem
When I was about ten years old I learned who I was supposed to be. I learned what I was worth and realised that it was nothing. I was abused by someone very close to me and soon learned that I wasn’t really worth a gosh darn thing to her or to anyone else (or so I thought).
For years I would pursue trophies, medals and men in a tireless effort to find value through those achievements. Winning became everything to me. Being better than others was the oxygen I so desperately needed to breathe.
And every time I lost a competition, with every guy that dumped me, a piece of my fragile self-esteem was chipped away. On the surface, my smile was like a thousand brightly shining suns, but on the inside, on the inside, I felt nothing.
Nothing is who I was and nothing is who I would become.
Many of us as men and women don’t believe we are enough. We tie our self-worth to the things we have or can control.
My self-worth was tied to how many positions I had at church, how many people liked me and how many medals I could hang around my neck.
Maybe your drug of choice is the same as mine was or vastly different. You might find value and worth going to the gym every day and becoming the most toned person you know.
Or you might attach your self-worth to how successful of a man you can “capture” then marry. At the core of it all, the answer still lies in the fact that, without our achievements, without our looks and without all those likes on Instagram we wouldn’t feel like we meant anything to anyone.
We wouldn’t feel like we were enough.
Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth. Click To Tweet
I was listening to a podcast the other day (I’m a big personal development junkie, lol) and the host of the podcast asked the question “Do you believe you are enough?”
Without hesitating, I said “Yes” and she said, “before responding, listen to my story.” So I did.
When Alicia* was a child, her mother got very sick and died soon after, so Alicia was left in the care of her dad. Alicia’s father worked in the mines so each day he would leave early in the morning and return late at night.
Though they didn’t have much, Alicia made sure to stay up late so she could see her father, massage his tired back and make him a cup of tea. This went on for years until Alicia moved out to go to a community college in the next town.
Alicia grew up to become a successful businesswoman with a nice house and a swimming pool the size of a Wal-Mart. Still, Alicia wasn’t happy. She suffered from a terrible case of low self-esteem.
Having been married and divorced multiple times, she couldn’t figure out why she was so unhappy and what she was doing wrong.
A close friend of hers, who was a life coach, sat down with her one afternoon. After hearing Alicia go on and on about the ungrateful men in her life, her friend sat still and asked, “Alicia, are you enough? Do you believe you are enough?”
After hesitating, for what felt like hours, she softly whispered, through tears, “No!”
As a young, impressionable child, her self-confidence, self-worth and self-esteem hinged on the praise from other people.
Even though she basically took care of her dad for years, he never once validated her. She was never hugged, never thanked and never told how amazing she was. For decades, Alicia searched for the validation she never received as a child, and never found it.
Thinking that her marriages, business and houses would make her feel worthy, she pursued them time and time again. But they never actually did. Material things don’t have the power to improve your self-esteem at all.
That realization was profound.
What Alicia had to learn is that this one small, yet powerful belief about herself, affected her thoughts, actions and her life.
How has your low self-worth influenced the kind of life you’ve created?
Have you spent years trying to accomplish as much as you can to cover up the fact that in your soul you believe you aren’t worth anything at all?
Does anything in this story ring true for you? Was there any point in your life when you felt inadequate? What exactly happened?
Has this one experience (or a reoccurring one) influenced how you see yourself?
Today is the day we change that.
Though I can now say with certainty that I believe I am truly enough, it took a long time to start believing it.
Here are a few small, yet powerful steps you can take today to improve your self-esteem and start realizing your worth:
1- Get some paper and a pen, and jot down all the times you’ve felt like you weren’t enough and why you believe you felt that way. (This exercise is just for reflection because we usually have good reasons for why we believe what we believe about ourselves).
2- Jot down, based on your answers above, what you did or said at those times and what actions you took. (This means what you did or said based on how you felt in those situations).
3- Instead of beating yourself up for having those beliefs and taking the actions you took, start by being kinder to yourself and forgive yourself. (You cannot change the beliefs you have when you come from a place of anger because it will not become a permanent change).
4- As silly as it might sound, make a sign (or get a decal) that says “I am enough” and paste it on all the mirrors you have at home. Every time you use the mirror, say that phrase out loud and say it as if you mean it.
5- Set daily alarms and type the following as the event: “I am enough. I forgive myself, I forgive you and I am irreplaceable.”. Each day when the alarm goes off, read the sentences out loud (say it as loud as you can).
CONFIDENCE AND SELF-ESTEEM ARE REAL
Many people believe that confidence and self-esteem are just fluffy terms, but they’re not. They are powerful and affect every aspect of our lives. If you’re suffering from low self-esteem today, I want to help you.
Today I’m stopping by to tell you that you are enough. Together, let’s build the unshakable confidence you need to create the life you truly deserve.
If you enjoyed reading about the big reason so many suffer from low self-esteem, you would enjoy reading more on 5 clear reasons to stop caring what others think.
I want to hear your opinion. Do you believe you are enough?
Please comment below so everyone can read what you have to say. Also if you have any questions feel free to ask me them in the comment section below. Like and share this post and be sure to join the community!
Until next time.
All my love